Deep, real deep.

True story... I now having mom hips, birthing hips, call 'em what you want. These old hipsters have not gone back down to my normal size. Oh well. Whatever it takes to have these two awesome boys.

Now on to less self-centered matters.

Our God is a merciful God. He is good to me.

A couple of weeks ago I had a moment. One really long moment when I was near the depths of despair. I had just received an email from babycenter.com telling me that my 6 week old should be smiling at me and recognize me. This of course had not happened and the disclaimer at the bottom of the email telling me that all babies develop at their own pace did not ease my tension. I threw myself into a tailspin believing with everything in me that I was a horrible mother. That all of my attention was on Corban (since he DEFINITELY requires more interaction and attention) and thus Blaise was totally getting the raw end of the deal. How could he possible know who I was?! I did not spend hours looking at him and coo'ing at him like I did when Corvban was a baby. Blaise was just another person in CX's world. horrible horrible horrible. I couldn't hardly look anyone in the eye out of sheer guilt at my lack of mothering equality. Jamon took me on a date and there I felt assured enough of his unconditional love to share with him how horrible of a mother his wife was. When I was finished crying about the situation he looked at me incredulously and made it very clear that I was under attack. Spiritual warfare (c'mon, we know it's out there).  I was clinging to the lies of "the world.": "You can't have more than one ,maybe two children,if you have more how will you ever take care of them, they will not get the love they need from you, they won't be well-taken care of... they will LACK." and on and on. I totally bought in to it. Until Jamon loving assured me that Blaise was the best gift we could have ever given Corban and Corban was the best thing to happen to Blaise, as will be every child we are blessed with hereafter. They will lack nothing. They will be LOVED. True, TRue, TRUE! I was immediately relieved of the guilt I had been feeling. We said a prayer together to continue to be the parents God wants us to be and to do everything we can to make sure our family gets to heaven. AMEN. On we go with our date. Fast forward to 4am. Blaise's regularly scheduled feeding time, usually we are both groggy and just getting through a feeding. Not that night. God in His intense love gave me the moment I longed for. As I was putting him down to sleep again I laid him on my pillow instead of his bed. When I returned from getting a drink of water I laid down to look at him to talk to him and smile at him. And the moment I was near him he SMILED. BIG SMILE. the kind that makes my insides mushy as I was overcome with such joy and love. My littlest man and I shared stories and smiles from 4-5:30 am. Just the two of us. and it was AWESOME. He did know me. He knows his mom and he knows I love him. The "attack" was just that. God showed me through the smile of my sweet little baby. Blaise, even though he does not get the same attention that CX did when he was born, knows his mom and knows love. What more could I ask for?

Anyway. Just thought I'd share. Tomorrow (ha, we'll see) I've got another awesome recipe. We're talking total delish. Like I wish I could eat the whole thing, but know it must be bad for me because it tastes so good, and then realizing that I could eat the whole thing because it's SO good for me. Winner!!!

Our date night.

That smile. Oh my goodness. I love.

Sweet, sweet Corban, I want to freeze moments like this. carefree, loving life moments.

a review in pics.

One day before labor ensued. Could it have been the sparkling wine that encouraged Blaise to come 2 weeks early?

BLAISE is here!!!! My heart grows. LOVE, love, love this little man.

I love my boys and their sweet special love for each other.

Blaise can sleep everywhere. He's three weeks old here.

First official family pic! Matchy match.

LOVE.

Feet. Ahhhh. Feet. I adore baby feet. Look how small and perfect.

My sweet littlest baby.

Handsome little man. I'm amazed by him daily.

Date night (kind of) at the athletic banquet. I worked, Jamon held Blaise, but we made do. Love this man.

stop it right now. 4 weeks already.

Corbans face, my face. Thankful he loves his brother so much but sometime have to raise my eyebrows at just how hard he loves him.

enough love to go around. snuggles for all the boys,

5 weeks., SERIOUSLY. you're almost out of newborn clothes kiddo. *sob*

, 

Memorial day weekend at the beach. Please ignore my boxy hair-do... a she-mullet for sure. Someone please get me a mirror.

Corban is a beach baby for sure. He can't get enough of the sand and water.

Heading out.

garbanzo bean cookies

Hello blogosphere.

There are about a million things I should be blogging about. 1. a new baby 2. an 18 month old 3. summer work 4. Gods abundant Grace 5. awesome huz 6. etc etc etc

 and I'll get to those when I have more than a 5 minute window in which to type. 

But instead you're going to get my newest obsession in the world of desserts.  Seriously LOVE this dessert. Don't judge... It tastes JUST like Chocolate chip cookies, but stays moist longer.

Deep-Dish Cookie Pie
(High in fiber… and gluten-free!)

• 2 cans organic garbanzo beans (drained and rinsed) (500g)
• 1 cup oatmeal (next time I'm using ground Flax)
• 1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce
• 3 T grapeseed oil
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp sea salt
• 1 and 1/2 cups brown sugar (I'm still trying to figure out a way to not use brown sugar... agave? Stevia etc... I'll let you know when I come up with something else)
• 1 cup organic dark chocolate chips

So easy to make!
Blend everything (except the chips) very well in a food processor. Mix in chips, and pour into an oiled pan. Cook at 350F for around 35 minutes. Let stand at least 10 minutes before removing from the pan.

Go ahead, make and enjoy.

Now signing off until I have a moment to breathe and I can pry my hands from the wine bottle (straw inserted.) Enjoy your cookies!

Jess

My like for groupon and other stuff

Let me start by stating my deep like for Groupon.

A couple of weeks ago they enticed me to purchase a killer deal for a cruise to the Bahamas. Jamon was convinced it would be the best babymoon ever. Agreed. We found some wonderful friends to babysit Corban for the weekend and headed to west palm beach to board the boat for a weekend of fun in the sun. So hopeful, so naive. We get to the dock and got through all of the rigamaroll you have to, to get on and literally, as we're walking on to the boat someone asks me if I'm pregnant. Um yep. Definitely. How far along you ask... oh 35 weeks or so. Now here comes the raincloud. "The US Coast Guard has a cut off of 24 weeks pregnant to cruise." Oh, did I say 35 weeks, I meant 20 with twins. :) Needless to say, we weren't able to board, and I am still not a bahama mama. My awesome huz decided to make the best of it and took me to Chipotle. Oh delish!!!! And then we went to Mass in Boca Raton (Gorgeous town!) and then went to downtown Boca to people watch, stroll and grab a small dinner. It really was an awesome night. I love my huz. he seriously cracks me up. I always knew he was a "guys guys" but never before had I witnessed it in such force until we walked into starbucks. In Jamon's own words "Coffee shops make me weird." It's true, he stumbled with his words, wasn't sure what to get, who to talk to... thankfully we ended up deciding on a mocha for this tough guy. Not too sweet, not too blah. I don't think I've ever laughed as hard as I did when we got into the car and he confessed how uncomfortable he was in said coffee shop. he then proceeded to show me exactly how he felt about his coffee. This guy is a hoot. Excuse the fuzziness... iPhone doesn't work so well in the dark.

Oh J... it's not that girly. Just a mocha. It's not like you got an orange mocha chip frappacino.

So excited about his "hot chocolate with a kick."

 Anyway... about Groupon. This week i called them to let them know I couldn't use the coupon and would like a refund. I expected red tape, to be told no, to have to battle. No ma'am. Within 5 minutes my refund was in the works. No questions. Groupon... i will purchase from you again. Great customer service. I especially like the coupons for teeth whitening. I'm such a sucker for pearly whites... no one wants butter teeth. Chicklets please.

So tonight I was going to try to be suzy homemaker. I had some extra bananas, some gluten free flour, and a knack for baking. This is what came out: Banana "bread", more like banana mess. tasty. But not so pretty. I should've used more non-stick spray. Oh well.

Thankfully my little guy will eat just about anything! He likes the banana crumb. Here is a picture of how big he's getting:

He is mister personality. So friendly and loving. He's such a romeo. He blows kisses to everyone and kisses me all day. He also likes to put me in the "sleeper hold" WWF style. I think he learned that from Jamon - they wrestle a lot. Hey, I'll take affection however I can get it. Lately Corban has developed a love of music and dancing. As soon as I turn on the music on my phone he starts clapping, grabs my phone and starts busting some sweet moves. I've got to get it on film. He's got what Jamon and I call happy feet. And, lucky kid, he picked up my sweet signature move, the very one that won Jamon over when we were dating. He affectionately calls it the "J-bod special." Corban, you lucky lil guy, such great moves.

So here's the latest preggo pic followed by my newest food obsession:

36 weeks. Holler.

You read that right... Dark Chocolate and Peanut Butter nuts. Stop it right now. I will devour this entire container in a matter of minutes. I'm so happy!

That's about it for this lil up date. Happy Thursday night.

x's and o's.

Trash days

Today is trash day. Saturdays and Wednesdays. This morning as I was taking the trash out (early I might add since we've missed it the past two weeks... Gross!) I was reflecting on my adulthood. I was thinking about the exact point I can remember thinking... yep, I've arrived. Adulthood, hello. You might think this point was when I was first living on my own, or got a real job, or got married, or moved across the country with the huz. Nope, none of those points. The point I distinctly remembering realizing I had entered adulthood was a trash day, the Saturday one, and looking at Jamon as I was making breakfast and realizing that either him or myself needed to hurry and take the trash out if we hadn't already missed it. My dad, who if I remember correctly was always tasked with garbage duty, was not going to take the trash out for me. He was not going to just get it done. I actually had to think about trash days and bringing the garbage can out to the street. Hello adulthood. I'll have the garbage on the curb waiting for you. Suffice it to say, I've missed my fair share of trash pick ups. I forget... and where is my dad when the trash needs taken out? Sheesh.

That's it. That's all I've got this morning. Just wanted to share a moment with you.