some photos

Here is the Fam right after Rebecca's Consecrations.












Mom and Dad and their two Consi's! :)
















Jamon and me in Boston Commons.














Typical Bodman picture.

Our first God-Baby: Tate Russell... whom I will forever fondly call my lil tater tot. :)

Making it happen

Quick update...

I'm doing. Like was so beautifully put in the comments section of my last entry... I can't just wait for something to happen. I have to start.

Here's where I've begun. I am currently volunteering in a leadership role for the Catholic 20-somethings group at St. Ann's here in Coppell. I'll be helping lead the bible study and the praise and worship night. I'm super excited about both, as this ministry is near and dear to my heart. Last night was my first event with them; Theology on Tap. It was a resounding success and I'm even more fired up about being a part of it all.

I'm helping out a mom from St. Ann's with her 5 children (2 sets of twins!) and am learning a lot about multi-tasking and make believe.

Ecuador is still an option. One of my dearest friends is very encouraging and will hopefully go with me, even if it's for a short time.

I have an interview for a real job on Monday (say a prayer) and am sending out my resume this evening for another possible job.

Today was a day when I was frustrated with how things are panning out. Oh me of little faith. How quickly I forget that if God brings me to it He'll see me through it. The following verse is a beautiful reminder to me that I MUST trust. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know well the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans for your welfare, not for woe, plans to give a future full of hope." Yes. I claim that verse as my own. God does have a plan... and it is for me, for my happiness, which HE can provide so much more fully for me than I can for myself. Please continue to pray that I'm open to the work Christ is doing in me.

Alright... this was a short entry indeed. The fam is leaving bright and early in the morning to go to Rhode Island for Rebecca's Consecration. She is taking her first promises to be a Consecrated Lay Woman in the Regnum Christi movement. I'm so proud of her. Jamon, Tricia and Jacob are all flying in as well. This is going to be a great weekend. I'll post pictures next week.

All my love,
Jessica

Too late for these shenanigans

It's late and I should most definitely be in bed... but I clearly can't sleep so here I am. This may be a post lacking stories or any "good" insight and more of me trying to get some thoughts out of my head so I can sleep.

I'll start here:

1. What am I doing?!? I was okay not doing anything, not working, not worrying about where I'll live, what I'll do, how I'll get around. And now I'm not okay not knowing the answers to most of those questions. Am I supposed to live in Austin or in Dallas? What job should I work at? I could go on and on... and the most frustrating thing is I keep asking God, pleading that He'll let me know and I'm still clueless. I fully understand "God's timing" and I'm also aware that it's only been about 2 weeks since I've been back, but it's frustrating having no idea where to even begin.

I remember looking at my spiritual director the day I was told it was time for me to go home and telling her "Honestly, this is scary, I don't even know what to do now when I walk out the door, not to mention what I'm supposed to do when I get home." A little guidance, maybe a flashing neon sign, would be good. Moses got a burning bush talking to him, Abraham audibly heard God. Can I ask for a singing telegram? I think I would get it then. In the meantime, while I wait for my telegram there is silence. So I ask you, at what point, when you're still clueless as to Gods will, do you just start making decisions and hope that they're the right ones? I've got to do something right?!

I was so sure God's Will had me in Michigan... I'm still sure of that. Where did that clarity of God's Will go? I just want to holler... TELL ME SOMETHING... anything to do. I'll do it God, seriously, anything, just tell me something!!!!!!! I'm trying to be silent, I'm trying to listen.

Ooohhh, on a different note... one of the joys of coming home was that Jamon and I were able to move our wedding date up. Now we're getting married May 30th of 2009. For those of you who are counting that's only 299 days from today (monday!) YESSSSSSS. I keep asking if we can move it up more... say around December but I don't think anyone else is buying it. Just keep your year available... we're moving this date around. HA! :)

2. Today (Monday) is Jamon's Birthday... YEA! Thank you Mom and Dad Copeland for such an amazing man. Here's my conundrum... what do you get the love of your life when you have no money to your name? Yes, of course, a cake. His favorite is Pineapple Upside down cake... but no, he asked for no cake since he'll just eat it. We're all sorts of healthy you know. ;) Okay, so cake is out, anything that costs money is out... a love letter it is. That may take some time... pages and pages. Unless of course a note that simply says "I LOVE YOU from Jessica" written on it will get the point across. I bet I can make it pretty. I'll work on that tomorrow while he's at work. Ssshhh. don't tell.

3. It's 1am now and I feel like I could go run a few miles. I wish it wasn't so dark out. I'd do that for sure.

My stomach is in knots. I'm going to get a glass of water and then try to call it a night again.

Know that I am leaning on your prayers and support. Thank you for both of them.

All my love,
Jessica

Silence and stillness... what?!

*Random note* Yesterday was Juliana Christine's birthday (My sister who I previously wrote about) and tomorrow is her "Feast Day," The day she entered heaven!

I've been home for over a week now... thus I know it's time for an update. I've heard the question asked ; What are you doing Jess? Where are you??

Before I begin I want to say thank you. Thank you to all of you who have supported and encouraged me during this time of transition. Your words have helped me tremendously and given me the strength to persevere and remember always that this time is a gracious gift from God.

I've been largely off the radar. My dear friends can attest to that. mea culpa, mea culpa... I've got to get better at communication.

Honestly, I'm not even sure where to begin. I've gone through so many stages and emotions and thoughts it would take a ridiculous amount of space to write them all. I can tell you this: God is good. I'm so thankful to be home. The day I left Michigan I called the director of the program (from the airport in DC) and asked her to explain to me again why I was leaving. I simply couldn't understand. She gently explained to me that, though I didn't see it at the moment, it was truly God's Will for me to go home... I have a bigger vocation to prepare for than a year as a missionary. I'm getting married. She told me to go home, be with Jamon and work on our future marriage since it will be a lifetime commitment. Okay I said... that's good enough for me. Often throughout that day I thought of the story of Abraham and Issac... I know I'm no Abraham, so the comparison is pale... but it helped me understand none-the-less. God asked Abraham to offer his son on the altar as a sacrifice to God. Abraham loved his son, but he loved God more, so he said Yes God, whatever you want. Just as Abraham was fixing to kill Issac God reached down and stopped him. Abraham had proven his love of God, and his faithfulness to do whatever God wants, and God said thank you, now take your son. I feel (again, pale comparison) than Jamon and I were in a similar situation. God asked for our time and relationship, and out of love for Him we said "Yes God, whatever you want." And then God smiled at us and said thanks... you can have each other back and start preparing for you marriage now. I'm so thakful to be home and to be with Jamon. I love that man. :) And, another little kiss from Christ, now I'm home for our God-Baby's Baptism. Jamon and I are God-parents to the precious Tate Russell.

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When I arrived in Dallas the first thing I did was go to the grocery store. I couldn't wait to get some fresh veggies and soy milk. Mmmm! Mom was a good sport and let me fill the basket with all my favorite foods. After the grocery store I didn't really know what to do. What do you do when you have no car, money or idea of what's in store for you? I'm not one for sitting in the still and quiet so I began figuring out where God may want me. I called my contact for the orphanage in Ecuador (LOVE IT!), called my friend Stefani who lived in Dallas, talked to my mom... tried to get as many option on the table as I could. Needless to say that by the end of day one I had plenty of job and ministry possibilities to fill up a year or more. Now I was faced with the task of figuring out what I was supposed to do... and I decided nothing. I told our Lord that I would wait two weeks before committing to anything. I would give him the silence and stillness and be open to hearing what He wants for me. The first day was hard, the second too... but now it's pretty easy not having a job and not having a clue. I think next week I may get stressed about not having an income... we'll see.

Truly, each day has been a blessing and a struggle. I'm in a continuous battle with myself. I find it so easy to fall back into my self-centered ways; to wake up each morning and think "What am I going to do today?" What I want to think is "Christ, what would you like me to do today? How can I love more?" The difference it makes is unreal. Through this process I've realized that I am not the center of the world, in fact, it doesn't revolve around me at all, like I would have previously thought. The truth is, I'm here only to love those that I encounter. Each and every person I see, talk to, touch etc is a person that I'm called to love in an intense and personal way.

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Digression: Have I told you simply what I'm doing or where I am? No. Geesh. I'm currently living in Dallas with mom and dad. I think I'll probably stay here, but am open to whatever God wants from me. I hope to have some more concrete plans within a week or so about where/if I'll go on the Ecuador mission or if I'll start working again. Since I sold Tan Fran (The old Explorer) I was car-less but Jamon has generously given me Black Beauty (A '93 Bronco) to drive around. She gets me from A - B. I know that God continues to work on my humility and I am SO thankful! God always provides.

I'm going to run now... I think this entry may already be a little too long and scattered so I'll step away for a bit and write more later. Please continue to join me in prayer that God's Will be done and I be humble and open enough to listen. Know that I pray for you, my dearest family and friends, everyday. I know that I am so blessed and I am SO thankful.

All my love,
Jessica