Lonely Debbie Downers

Tonight is one of those posts that is a bit soul baring.

Today was gorgeous out. Seriously gorgeous. 70, sunny, slight breeze. It's the reason you live in the south. Corban and I spent most of our afternoon at the baseball fields watching a double header. Go Gyrenes!!! They played great and won all of their games. :) Then we went home, napped and headed out to "town" again. Today in Ave a lot was going on. There was the state steak cook off (lots of delicious smells coming from those grills!), Family Fun day (think tons of games, funnell cake etc.... this happens frequently in Ave) as well as a little league tournament at Northpark and of course the double headers for both Baseball and Softball for the University. Jamon had an away game so it was just Corbs and me. I thought it would be nice to venture out and be a part of the town... and it was until I got to downtown where all the "happenin'" was. (Here's where I get "open")... I was surround by people, and lots that I knew and I was SO lonely. All I wanted was to be back in Austin or Dallas where I have close friends and family. It was an awful feeling to look around and see everyone having a great time and realize that I did not have one close friend there. Plenty of acquaintances, but no one to chat with. Back in Austin I could've gone to something like that and 1. had a friend to invite to go with me or 2. known enough people there well enough to have someone to talk to. I've lived here for TWO years... TWO!!!!! After six months you're supposed to be settled and feel at home. And I guess I do, until I'm thrust into a situation like today and I want nothing more than friendship. I feel like a loser to be honest. Corban and I went home after about 10 minutes and sat outside to play in the driveway. I then called Jamon in tears and he of course was great and listed as I cried and whined "But I'm nice and kind of fun... how come I have no friends." Such is my state in life I suppose. I'm still trying to come to terms with exactly what I'm feeling and what's going on. I suppose I'm much to blame for my lack of close friends. I haven't made the time or put in the effort to really develop any friendships. I don't call anyone, I don't invite anyone over or out. I basically just get by in my day to day. If I run into someone I'm THRILLED to chat it up and I leave loving life... but that happens on a rare occasion. There are LOTS of wonderful young women here... And I really like some of them... but I just don't invest time. I work all morning/afternoon, then I have corbs for only a bit, then Jamon gets home. Where is my social time? Not the weekends, those same wonderful ladies want to spend time with their working husbands too. So is that it? Do I resign myself to chatting with Corban and sitting by myself? Or just do nothing unless Jamon, my bestest friend, is home and can come with me? Ugh, what a debbie downers I am. But really, this was hard on my heart today. Anyway, I usually feel better after writing stuff out. This is no exception. I still need to have some more "heart to hearts" with our Lord and figure out my next step. I don't want to be lonely.

Jamon was sweet and after we talked he texted me later and said that I was his best friend. :) Jamon is definitely my best friend too. But man he's busy. :)

Thanks for reading. Keep me in your prayers.

Time for me to now figure out what to eat for dinner. I was craving delivery Chinese, but of course, no one delivers to Ave. (I called atleast 4 places!!! I want to be in a real town!) So looks like I'm going to try to make something on my own. General Tsos may never be the same.

A lil throw back to the first month my besty and I started dating. Good times at Key Bar.

2011 already?

Ugh. Blogging for me becomes so guilt ridden when I haven't done it in a decent amount of time. I feel like there is too much to write and not enough time to write... so i don't write at all.

However, tonight the new season of American Idol is on and it's awful = nothing to watch on TV. Corban went down at 7pm, Jamon is at an away game, I've already done laundry, cleaned the house etc. Basically, i have no distractions or excuses. So here I am. Christmas has passed, New Years has Passed, Dr.s appointment where we found out officially that we're having a boy has passed... all with no noteworthy blog. Lame. Oh well.

So one thing I can always write about is Corban. I know that all parents think that their baby is the cutest, and the smartest etc... and that every moment with them is the best. And I suppose it's true and I'm no exception. I love that lil guy. He makes me smile everyday and I wish I had a camcorder with me to film him all of the time. I want to forget nothing. He changes so much everyday and his little personality shines through more and more. He is a little people person. Example... the other day we were out playing in the front yard, just the two of us. He was fine until he heard people about 7 houses down. he took off and ran towards them, arms outstretched, hollering. He couldn't wait to get over there to say hi. If there are people around, he's in the middle of them, chattering and playing. I LOVE watching this. Lately he's taken to "making an entrance." Yesterday when he walked into the gym for basketball practice he threw his hands in the air and hollered. All the guys turned around to welcome him. He was definitely in his element. I think he could stay in the gym with the boys all day if he was given the opportunity. He makes this little entrance on a regular basis, at the grocery store, school, work, the gym, neighbors houses. Love, love love.

So, officially we are having a little boy. I've always known, but the Dr. confirmed it. His name will be Blaise Dominic. He is growing and moving like a lil champ. I'm 26 weeks now, so he's about 2 lbs and 14 inches long. Unbelievable. I also can't believe I'm over half way there. There is still so much to do and plan and think about. At some point Jamon and I will have to sit down and actually talk about what's going to happen when he gets here. CRAZY! Two lil boys under 2 years old. I'll be a busy momma. I am so excited about this new little life. I look at Corban and how much my heart overflows for him and can hardly wait for his brother to get here for me to love on too.

So this pregnancy has been different from Corban in 1 way. I haven't worked out as much. Other than that... same ole, same ole. My Dr. kindly points out every visit that I need to hit the gym more, and I try. But man it's tough. No time. Times like this I wish I lived in a town with a YMCA that had babysitting. Oh well. Jamon tries as hard as he can to make the time to watch CX so I can get in a sweat. Usually it involves Corban watching basketball practice. Win win.

Tonight while blogging I made baked apples. So delish. They are my new favorite dessert since I've been banned from carbs and sweets. (I'll be real with you for a sec though... i do sneak a Dove dark chocolate on occasion. I love those little tasty morsels of goodness.) This no carb thing has been interesting. I've modified and said no simple carbs... only complex ones. Makes life much nicer for everyone. Basically... no breads, or sweets etc... When I started this new eating regime I could tell an immediate difference in the way I felt. I felt less "puffy." I think I'll stick with it, though grilled chicken and lettuce does tend to get old. I have returned to my old ways of living on peanut butter. Mmmmm. i used to eat that gooey stuff for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Seriously. My roommates in college would often make jokes about it. And it's back in my life. But at least this time I just use it for snacking. Big delicious spoonfuls of PB. Corban and I usually snack together. He loves the PB as much as me.

You know... this post is random and not altogether too interesting. Blogging is so much easier when you do it on a regular basis. Confession: my new years resolution was to blog once a week. Fail already.

Anyway, here are some pics that have been taken since the last blog about two months ago. :)

Love this pic.

Another family "Christmas card" picture.

Corban wasn't sure to think about Santa Claus. And I'm not sure what to think about the cheesy snowflakes in the background.

The Bod-fam at Christmas. Corban was already fast asleep. The excitement of Santa wore him out.

His first trip to the Naples zoo.

Me at 24 weeks pregnant. Loving that I can get away with white shorts in January in Florida.

Jamon and his look a like.

Corban has a serious love for his dad. Any second away is torture, as is captured by this picture.

Family Picture