Lonely Debbie Downers

Tonight is one of those posts that is a bit soul baring.

Today was gorgeous out. Seriously gorgeous. 70, sunny, slight breeze. It's the reason you live in the south. Corban and I spent most of our afternoon at the baseball fields watching a double header. Go Gyrenes!!! They played great and won all of their games. :) Then we went home, napped and headed out to "town" again. Today in Ave a lot was going on. There was the state steak cook off (lots of delicious smells coming from those grills!), Family Fun day (think tons of games, funnell cake etc.... this happens frequently in Ave) as well as a little league tournament at Northpark and of course the double headers for both Baseball and Softball for the University. Jamon had an away game so it was just Corbs and me. I thought it would be nice to venture out and be a part of the town... and it was until I got to downtown where all the "happenin'" was. (Here's where I get "open")... I was surround by people, and lots that I knew and I was SO lonely. All I wanted was to be back in Austin or Dallas where I have close friends and family. It was an awful feeling to look around and see everyone having a great time and realize that I did not have one close friend there. Plenty of acquaintances, but no one to chat with. Back in Austin I could've gone to something like that and 1. had a friend to invite to go with me or 2. known enough people there well enough to have someone to talk to. I've lived here for TWO years... TWO!!!!! After six months you're supposed to be settled and feel at home. And I guess I do, until I'm thrust into a situation like today and I want nothing more than friendship. I feel like a loser to be honest. Corban and I went home after about 10 minutes and sat outside to play in the driveway. I then called Jamon in tears and he of course was great and listed as I cried and whined "But I'm nice and kind of fun... how come I have no friends." Such is my state in life I suppose. I'm still trying to come to terms with exactly what I'm feeling and what's going on. I suppose I'm much to blame for my lack of close friends. I haven't made the time or put in the effort to really develop any friendships. I don't call anyone, I don't invite anyone over or out. I basically just get by in my day to day. If I run into someone I'm THRILLED to chat it up and I leave loving life... but that happens on a rare occasion. There are LOTS of wonderful young women here... And I really like some of them... but I just don't invest time. I work all morning/afternoon, then I have corbs for only a bit, then Jamon gets home. Where is my social time? Not the weekends, those same wonderful ladies want to spend time with their working husbands too. So is that it? Do I resign myself to chatting with Corban and sitting by myself? Or just do nothing unless Jamon, my bestest friend, is home and can come with me? Ugh, what a debbie downers I am. But really, this was hard on my heart today. Anyway, I usually feel better after writing stuff out. This is no exception. I still need to have some more "heart to hearts" with our Lord and figure out my next step. I don't want to be lonely.

Jamon was sweet and after we talked he texted me later and said that I was his best friend. :) Jamon is definitely my best friend too. But man he's busy. :)

Thanks for reading. Keep me in your prayers.

Time for me to now figure out what to eat for dinner. I was craving delivery Chinese, but of course, no one delivers to Ave. (I called atleast 4 places!!! I want to be in a real town!) So looks like I'm going to try to make something on my own. General Tsos may never be the same.

A lil throw back to the first month my besty and I started dating. Good times at Key Bar.

2011 already?

Ugh. Blogging for me becomes so guilt ridden when I haven't done it in a decent amount of time. I feel like there is too much to write and not enough time to write... so i don't write at all.

However, tonight the new season of American Idol is on and it's awful = nothing to watch on TV. Corban went down at 7pm, Jamon is at an away game, I've already done laundry, cleaned the house etc. Basically, i have no distractions or excuses. So here I am. Christmas has passed, New Years has Passed, Dr.s appointment where we found out officially that we're having a boy has passed... all with no noteworthy blog. Lame. Oh well.

So one thing I can always write about is Corban. I know that all parents think that their baby is the cutest, and the smartest etc... and that every moment with them is the best. And I suppose it's true and I'm no exception. I love that lil guy. He makes me smile everyday and I wish I had a camcorder with me to film him all of the time. I want to forget nothing. He changes so much everyday and his little personality shines through more and more. He is a little people person. Example... the other day we were out playing in the front yard, just the two of us. He was fine until he heard people about 7 houses down. he took off and ran towards them, arms outstretched, hollering. He couldn't wait to get over there to say hi. If there are people around, he's in the middle of them, chattering and playing. I LOVE watching this. Lately he's taken to "making an entrance." Yesterday when he walked into the gym for basketball practice he threw his hands in the air and hollered. All the guys turned around to welcome him. He was definitely in his element. I think he could stay in the gym with the boys all day if he was given the opportunity. He makes this little entrance on a regular basis, at the grocery store, school, work, the gym, neighbors houses. Love, love love.

So, officially we are having a little boy. I've always known, but the Dr. confirmed it. His name will be Blaise Dominic. He is growing and moving like a lil champ. I'm 26 weeks now, so he's about 2 lbs and 14 inches long. Unbelievable. I also can't believe I'm over half way there. There is still so much to do and plan and think about. At some point Jamon and I will have to sit down and actually talk about what's going to happen when he gets here. CRAZY! Two lil boys under 2 years old. I'll be a busy momma. I am so excited about this new little life. I look at Corban and how much my heart overflows for him and can hardly wait for his brother to get here for me to love on too.

So this pregnancy has been different from Corban in 1 way. I haven't worked out as much. Other than that... same ole, same ole. My Dr. kindly points out every visit that I need to hit the gym more, and I try. But man it's tough. No time. Times like this I wish I lived in a town with a YMCA that had babysitting. Oh well. Jamon tries as hard as he can to make the time to watch CX so I can get in a sweat. Usually it involves Corban watching basketball practice. Win win.

Tonight while blogging I made baked apples. So delish. They are my new favorite dessert since I've been banned from carbs and sweets. (I'll be real with you for a sec though... i do sneak a Dove dark chocolate on occasion. I love those little tasty morsels of goodness.) This no carb thing has been interesting. I've modified and said no simple carbs... only complex ones. Makes life much nicer for everyone. Basically... no breads, or sweets etc... When I started this new eating regime I could tell an immediate difference in the way I felt. I felt less "puffy." I think I'll stick with it, though grilled chicken and lettuce does tend to get old. I have returned to my old ways of living on peanut butter. Mmmmm. i used to eat that gooey stuff for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Seriously. My roommates in college would often make jokes about it. And it's back in my life. But at least this time I just use it for snacking. Big delicious spoonfuls of PB. Corban and I usually snack together. He loves the PB as much as me.

You know... this post is random and not altogether too interesting. Blogging is so much easier when you do it on a regular basis. Confession: my new years resolution was to blog once a week. Fail already.

Anyway, here are some pics that have been taken since the last blog about two months ago. :)

Love this pic.

Another family "Christmas card" picture.

Corban wasn't sure to think about Santa Claus. And I'm not sure what to think about the cheesy snowflakes in the background.

The Bod-fam at Christmas. Corban was already fast asleep. The excitement of Santa wore him out.

His first trip to the Naples zoo.

Me at 24 weeks pregnant. Loving that I can get away with white shorts in January in Florida.

Jamon and his look a like.

Corban has a serious love for his dad. Any second away is torture, as is captured by this picture.

Family Picture

Happy First CX... for your birthday you get a sibling.

So. Some exciting things have taken place.

First... Corban turned ONE!!!!! Yay, Corban. my sweet baby boy is 1 year old. I can hardly believe how quickly the time has gone. He amazes me every day. His personality emerges more and more. In fact, as his Dr. pointed out at his 1 year check up, his personality is that of a very strong willed little boy. If you're familiar with the different personalities, Corban is most definitely choleric. He is opinionated and will let you know what he wants, when he wants. He is also very outgoing and has such a funny little sense of humor. Thankfully, as Dr. T pointed out, I too am choleric. He felt confident that Corban would end up well balanced since I no doubt was not likely to give in to a 1 year old. Um, thanks Doc. Truly, this little prince amazes me. I owe him a blog all to himself on this topic... a blog singing his praise. Cheesy. That'll come later I suppose.  I LOVE him and am so thankful for him. He has made our lives incredible.

Second. I'm preggers. Today I am 18 weeks. YAY. Almost half way there. Little peanut number 2 is due on May 2nd. It's amazing how much this pregnancy has been like Corban's. A lil morning sickness, uber tired and then 2nd trimester has been a breeze. My only frustration is that I haven't been working out as much as I did with CX. I have the best of intentions... to start next week. :)  Baby 2 hasn't really started showing yet... but I'm sure I'll pop one of these days. There's no hurry... I have 5 more months to wear pregnancy clothes.  FYI, I'm 100% sure that we are having a little boy, but we find out for sure in a couple of weeks when I go to the doctor. His name will be Blaise. (God told me so in a dream... seriously) We're still deciding on a middle name. Dominic? Emmanuel? who knows. plenty of time for that. Jamon and I are just so excited. God is so good and we can hardly wait to welcome a new sibling for Corban. Yay, yay, yay.

Lastly, Jamon and I had our first family Thanksgiving. It was so wonderful. There is so much to be thankful for, as mentioned above, and we truly relished our day and weekend together. I cooked the whole meal and was SO nervous.  I'm not a turkey fan so I made two beer bottom chickens, green bean casserole, spinach casserole, sweet potato casserole, rolls, stuffing, gravy, pumpkin pie, apple pie, fruit salad, fruit dip, sweet tea. mmmmm Delish! Jimmy and Nick, two of Jamon's basketball players came over and shared the meal and part of the day with us. Sadly, i didn't get one single pictures. i was too busy enjoying the moments. My heart is so full.

Jamon, Corban and I start with the presents from Oma and Opa. We're so thankful they were able to celebrate CX with us!

He's such an attentive little reader.

Yay for Corban!

Oma set up for Corban's birthday. SUCH a great job!

He's not much of a sweet eater. That lil bite was all he took. he prefers strawberries.

my beer bottom chicken. SO proud. :)

CX and I relax after a big ole Thanksgiving meal.

This pic warms my heart. Love that lil smile.

One of those days

I've been admonished. Not nearly enough blogging. Oh boy do I have admiration for those who can blog every day or every week or even every month. I just don't feel witty enough most of the time. Oh well.


So a couple of weeks ago was a day from you know where. Seriously. Let me lay this out for you. Jamon had an away game so I was going to be on task for picking up Corban from school. No big deal. Jamon was leaving for the game at noon, I needed to pick up Corban at 12:30. Cx and I would then spend the day together, playing, laughing, baking cookies. Who knows. Needless to say, the day did not infact go that way. I got stuck at work and was late picking up Corban from school. Thankfully, he loves school and didn't even notice. I was the only one  frazzed out.  As we arrive home I'm thinking about the things I need to take care of asap. Corban needs a diaper change, he needs to eat, I need to eat and then a nap for both of us. Ohhhhhh, if only it were that easy. As I, with hands full, approach the door to go in I realize it's locked. LOCKED. The door into the house is locked, the front door is locked, the back door is locked. I do not have a key to the house. (don't ask... I've since remedied the situation.) I call Jamon in hopes that he had left his car keys with the house key on them on his desk. No such luck. My only option... trying to catch Jamon who had already been driving for an hour. I was slightly less than thrilled. I finally convinced Jamon that I was not going to catch up to him since he was a solid hour ahead of me and rather, he needed to drop the keys off at the first place he saw. I would drive there, get them and drive home. All in all it was looking like a 3 hour round trip. All this with a baby in a soggy diaper,(the diaper bag was locked in the house), no pacifier,  no food for either of us, a cranky driver and baby. Oh well. Off I went. As I'm driving and Corban is screaming I realize the car is on empty. SWEET. We get gas, corban falls asleep for about 15 minutes. ahhhh, peace and quite. Then I get stuck behind an RV towing a car and three canoes going about 20 mph below the speed limit. Seriously... if I was holier I wouldve shaved off some serious purgatory time. Rather I just cursed under my breath. THEN a cop pulls behind me with his lights on. SERIOUSLY. I'm going below the speed limit, everything is up to date. WHAT???? Turns out he thought the window tint on the Tahoe was too dark. He even brought out a special little tool to test it. Sure enough, illegal windows. Thanks sir. Yep, in the 8 years my husband has had this car no one has every mentioned it. But I'm definitely glad you did today. Slow day on the road? Oh well, no ticket, just a warning and a now screaming baby since Mr. Cop decides it would be fun to try to chat it up with him through the back window. Off we go. Jamon had called to say he found a red and white bus that served food and he dropped the keys off there. The lady didn't speak any english, but he felt confident the keys would be fine and I'd get them. About 30 minutes later I arrive at the bus. Some sweet smiling lady is dangling my keys out of the bus window. Awww, she must've known they were mine. Was it the way I screeched into the "parking lot" or perhaps the way my face screamed exasperation. Needless to say, I said muchos gracias and turned around for the hour and a half drive home. now my mind turned to what has to happen when i get there. My dad and brother were arriving from OKC that evening so I needed to change the sheets, vacuum etc... but first I had to take care of CX and eat. We get home, I take care of CX and make myself a bagel... as I'm sitting down to eat, I figure I'd better check the flight to make sure it's not late. no it's not late it's 30 MINUTES EARLY... time to leave. The bagel gets scarfed, CX gets some food in the car and the house is not vacuumed. We're late getting Dad and Jake... but we make it. And the rest of the night goes smoothly. It was a ridiculous day. At every turn I was calling my sister... can you believe this? We both kept waiting for the next thing to happen... and it did not. Oh well. I can laugh now. God is good and nothing was seriously wrong. Corban handled it all like a champ and I teetered on crazy and champ. Whew. glad it was done and I could enjoy the weekend with my dad and brother.

hunger strike #1

Well hello blogosphere. Long time no see.

After a brief hiatus with no laptop I'm back (and not much thanks go to the Geek Squad and their less than stellar customer service). All I can say is thank goodness for the iPhone during this computerless time. Not to sound like a total phone snob... but seriously, how did I live without this lil gem? I'm never going back. i feel like I can actually capture Corban moments as they're happening thanks to the stellar camera. Not only that, but I can post those suckers asap to facebook. Literally, 1 minute. OH JOY. I could go on and on about this life with the iPhone... but how lame.

On to more important things. Corban is on a hunger strike. We're talking like 3 weeks of questionable eating habits. WHAT IN THE WORLD KID? At first I thought it was just because he had a cold... and although that didn't help the situation we are currently sans cold and still not eating much. Here's what I know: Corban will always eat pizza. Oh geez. I try to sneak in lil red bell peppers and spinach and stuff. Somehow his ultra sensitive pallet and fabulous tongue control manages to find them, sift them through chewed food and spit them out. At least I try. Everytime I see a mom with atleast 6 kids (Which is plenty in Ave) I'm always asking... what do you do? Will he starve himself? Am I a horrible mom? Thankfully these all knowing moms tell me the same thing. Don't worry about it. he'll eat when he's hungry, just keep trying. Okay moms... I'll keep trying. But I refuse to feed him cheese pizza every meal. Say a prayer as your eating your meal tonight that CX starts eating like a regular human being who is try to grow.

Corban has become quite the crazy. He's all over the place. Climbing couches, throwing himself on the floor like he's practicing to be in the WWF and then laughing, throwing everything he touches and dive-bombing off of everything taller than he is. Often I find myself saying "Corban, be careful" and then feeling like surely he's fine now. SERIOUSLY JESS???!!!! You think "be careful" will suffice. Corban will suddenly stop throwing himself off the couch because I said so. Oh pulease. back to reality. Grab the kids scrawny ankle and keep him safe. I'm amazed daily that he's almost one with no major incidents or injuries. Thanks goodness he has an AWESOME guardian angel. Thank you Jesus.

So today Jamon and I celebrate 2 GLORIOUS years of marriage. I can hardly believe it's only been two. It feels like my life. I LOVE it. Last night I was reminiscing about our wedding and how fun we had and how blessed we were by everyone there. A huge thank you to our family and friends for blessing us with their presence both at our wedding and throughout our married life. Thank you, we love you.

Well... gotta run. Jamon is home and I'm dying to spend some quality time with him while Corban naps.

Here are a few pics for your viewing pleasure: 

love, love, love,
Jess