On a daily basis I pray and ask Christ for humility. I know my tendency is to be a prideful person and I want to change. So I ask... and as I write this I'm acknowledging that Christ has given me one of the biggest opportunities to be humble.
I'm coming home.
23 days into the "co-worker" program and I'll be back in Dallas. This comes as a shock not only to you, but most definitely to me. I'm sure there are lots of questions... I have them too. I was simply told yesterday that I am not called to be here. Certainly I believe that to be a missionary is a call from God. I believe he called me here so I, out of love for God, came. And now he is calling me back home and out of love, I'll go. There is certainly a back story to this; one that is best told in person. All I can say is that my coming home is humbling and I'm sure at some point I'll see it as a blessing... a gift from God.
Rest assured, I'm not coming back to do the same thing. I know without a doubt that Christ has called me to mission work. Just clearly not here.. I'm tossing around a couple of different options and hope to leave again with in a month. There is an orphanage in Ecuador that needs volunteers, also, the missionaries of charity (think Mother Theresa) have interns in the Bronx. Also a good option for me. Please keep me in your prayers as I continue to discern what Gods Will in my life is.
Yesterday, when I was told it was time for me to come home I dealt with all sorts of emotion. Feelings of failure, confusions, sadness, humility, anger, and some joy too. I begged to stay... mainly cause I don't know what else to do. I'm currently working on trust and surrender. I've got to believe that the God who loves me more than anything has a plan for me and is calling me away from here because He has something that will bring me greater joy.
I asked myself: if I wasn't called to be here... what was I doing? How did I get it so wrong? My answer... I got it right. I've learned so much in this month. I've learned about myself, about love for Jesus and for others. I realized the importance of prayer and silence and the importance of truly knowing yourself. As I come home, even though it's been a short while, I hope to come back a changed person and take all of this experience on to the the next place that I go.
I thank you all for your support and prayers. Trust, I'll keep updating the good ole blog... I would hate for you to wait with baited breath and not know where or what my next step is. I'm excited about the opportunities and experiences that await me... even though I have NO idea what they are. God knows and I'm seeking, so that's enough. I've got to believe that.